On thing about being ‘blessed’ with a vivid imagination is that I’ve already conjured up fifteen different versions for the future, at any one time. I’ve pretty much thought about every eventuality, tried it on, wondered how I’d feel, rolled it over like dough in my fingers and made a set of conclusions about it. The darker side of me, when imagining the worst possible outcome, will shudder and banish the imagining from my head, forcing myself to move on. Of course with my imagination comes all the good stuff; being able to write, being able to dream, being the quirky one who comes up with the outlandish ideas. But most of all I spend time concocting scenarios, my inner monologue occupied in forming outcomes that might never reach fruition.
Then sometimes in life, things happens that bring all that imagining front and centre. Suddenly the thing I’d been pondering came sharply into focus and is real. This happened last week, where I’ve come to an abrupt stop with my academics as stormy waves have hit our little life. They’re by no means life threatening and everyone is ok; we’ve said to each other, my husband and I: ‘no one has died, no one is ill,’ but nevertheless a shift has occurred that has changed our circumstances and called into question things I have been worrying about, well, for ages. There are always silver linings and we are focusing on those but can I just say that for my generation, right now, there is some serious shit going down! Everyone I speak to has life-changing, seismic shifts taking place. The care of others, the loss of jobs and livelihoods, the loss of self. The inconsistency and battle-weariness of decisions that have not panned out well. Marriages under siege, children railing against boundaries, money seeping away, health deteriorating, peace-of-mind slipping. It’s enough to make my me reel! Who said your 40’s were easy?!
But of course this is just one view, it’s possible to turn the whole thing around with the power of your thoughts; your interpretations. Were they really stormy waves that hit us? Or could it be that fate intervened because we needed a jolt? Does life sometimes deal you cards that force an entirely new outlook and the point is to react? Is this all part of the grand plan? Is navigating hard times the way we grow? I feel like I have stumbled across a wisdom board on Pinterest. Without rain, there are no flowers. It’s not the storm you face, it’s how you sail your ship. We are never prepared for what we expect.
I reach no conclusion, other than this came out of nowhere and ironically no amount of imagining (worrying) about it could have changed anything! So it’s true what they say. Live for the day you are in, not the possibly imagined one that might or might not be coming…