Well, so how are you? *She says sheepishly knowing she’s been away too long.* I’ve been adjusting. Firstly to having finished my Masters, secondly to having a teenager with no school anymore (till September) and thirdly to having a husband home for a few months in-between jobs. This leads to a curious fuzz in my mind where nothing seems quite concrete and I rebound from one activity to the next without clarity or commitment. One could say I am in the middle. I read other things and think I should be writing more and catching up and generally being better at everything. There’s been a dive in confidence in recent weeks which is uncharacteristic. Nothing like a change to the routine to make you question what the routine was.
We went to Glastonbury too and that’s a surefire way to scramble your mind. A place where everyone is happy and there’s music and every conceivable food and outfits that defy gravity, logic and decorum. It is an onslaught to the senses in every way and I loved every minute. I also found that the best way to navigate the whole thing was to succumb to a low-level rosé-induced drunkenness. I realise I am utterly the stereotype to go there aged 43 and marvel at the freedom it represents; the throwback to my younger years when kids and mortgages and Masters degrees didn’t feature. Then there is a come-down afterwards as the readjustment takes place, like having the bends after surfacing from a scuba dive, the return to normality felt dizzying.
Then there’s the future, stretching out ahead like a big, rounded question mark. What next, Lou? When discussing the book with friends my husband said somewhat tellingly: ‘please finish the book, please make it all worth it’. I took from this that he might struggle to understand the strange process of writing a book and the looping round of ‘The Edit’. Capital T. Capital E. I think there’s another six months’ work in it as I face the reality of trying to sell it to a publisher. Not exactly back to the drawing board but a stuttering continuation of the academic but with self-imposed deadlines. What did I say about adjusting?!
I wanted to drop by, I’ll be back next week, promise…smile and wave…