I notice that people either embrace the new year’s resolution or categorically deny it; I am torn between the two. I also note that before I went away for Christmas I was getting oh-so-weary with the everyday, stuck in the middle of a long winter; life had got on top of me. This surprised me as I was of the opinion that with no job to bring me down, everything would just be up, up and up. I guess it’s a life lesson that things can get dreary even if there isn’t a job involved. I did just need a break from the monotony.
Can I just talk about monotony? Here I am a mere four months into my new life as a housewife and here’s a confession: I was getting whiffs of boredom. It wasn’t a full-on stench, more like the feeling that some days were permeated with a slightly off-feeling. I am not sure why; on paper my life is a series of lovely events and for the first time in years there are fewer worries about things like careers or money. How fortunate! But the relentlessness of the day to day started to get to me. One of the perks of being devoted full time to your children’s life is that you can take on any commitment. You can say ‘yes’ to all the things that you said ‘no’ to when you were working. You can be there. Isn’t the modern elixir of life, to ‘be there’? Well I was so well and truly there that it was starting to suck me into a vortex of commitments that were theirs and not my own. I realised that I have to keep an eye on what I need as well as what they need.
The most perplexing bit though was knowing what I did need. A stimulating job? No longer. An active social life? Hard to achieve when you spend a fair amount of time alone. A small business? So much easier said than done. A fitness regime? It kinda felt like climbing a mountain; it’s amazing to me how hard it is to maintain fitness. I train a few times a week but still, any fitness I managed would slip away so quickly the moment I skipped a session. And then I would think – ugh Lou, you’re in a downward spiral and you need to step it up and sort it out and generally get a grip. And so I did.
I’ve learnt that this is how life goes. I must have written that twenty times in recent years, here on this blog. And the kind readers who comment and gee me on say resolutely: YES, this is how life goes!
This blog is four years old this month. Who’d have thought??!! I write it like I am talking to an old friend. I can’t help myself. I do wonder what on earth I would do if the Internet stopped working? Or if all the blog posts that I have ever written disappeared into the ether? I can recognise every photo I have ever posted and by now there must be hundreds and hundreds; thousands even? Furtively, real-life friends who are in the know read this blog and get antsy when I don’t update it. Blog friends text me and say ‘I’ve been thinking about you’ or ‘I saw this and thought of you’ and I think to myself how strange it is that we can be so connected and in such a wonderful way. Funny how it goes.
It’s January and I quite like that. My resolutions? They are the same as everyone else:
Think before I act.
Quiet the noise.
Grow my hair.
And all that jazz…
Oh and…stop feeling jealous of the beautiful people.
Get a decent wok.
Shop less, well, I mean buy less stuff.
Live it, don’t think it.
Stop over-analysing ‘Homeland’. Brody gone? Seriously?!
Get more pedicures.
It’s my 40th year – go easy on myself.
Do my best.